


Get In The Fucking Car

by mickey_gayovich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 7x11 drabble, Ian POV, It's in second person but it's Ian, M/M, lots of metaphors, this is short and messy but I like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickey_gayovich/pseuds/mickey_gayovich
Summary: Maybe you thought that things would be different...A/N: Just a little drabble of Ian's feelings during the 7x11 border scene.
Kudos: 4





	Get In The Fucking Car

* * *

Maybe you thought that things would be different. That you could let go of everything you knew, and ditch your own little world, to live out the fantasy you convinced yourself was something malleable. Something that would be even remotely feasible. But now that you were here, the checkpoint for your adventure only 30 yards ahead of you, you were having second thoughts. If this was some video game, you were sure a screen would have popped up- warning you that if you continued this path, there would be no way to turn back. You pulled the car to the side, getting out and taking a deep breath- you didn't think you could fucking do this.

You couldn't just… _leave_? Could you? Was that something you were even capable of? To abandon your family, your job, your life. Uproot everything you knew and love, for the one thing you craved. The one thing you couldn't get out of your goddamn head, no matter what was going on. You couldn't go several days without that voice in the back of your head annoying you. Telling you everything you did wrong, everything that was your fault- it was all your fucking fault that things went wrong. If you had just held out a little longer, or… did something different… maybe things wouldn't have ended up like this. If you just fought for it…

You couldn't, you can't, and you can feel it burning in your chest. You spent the last two days preparing for this- filling his entire being with hope that you would chose him, and now you are giving up. Fuck.

He can see it on your face, and you hear can his heart breaking in front of you. His chest is pouring blood and tears and it's infecting you. Your chest was caging butterflies that battered the sides of their encasement so hard their wings broke, and your ribs threatened to crack at the sight.

_'Just admit it, just this once.'_ A line you recited to the male in front of you so many years ago replayed in your mind. Three words, one simple truth. It needed to be spoken, to be heard- even though you were about to abandon him, yet again.

"I love you." The flood came, he infected you with those blood and tears and now they were cascading from your mouth as you showed him your your own gaping chest. You needed him to see it.

"Then get in the fucking car!" His tone was cracking like your ribs, and you could see him shattering in front of you. You were holding the hammer to his glass body, swearing you didn't mean to. Promising that things will be okay, begging him to forgive you. Forgiveness you don't believe you deserve, but pray he will give it to you anyways. Neither of you are playing fair with the other, and this game you two play will never end.

"This isn't me anymore." A lie and a truth all mixed in one. This wasn't out of the realm of your capabilities, but you didn't have the courage to make it. You led him down to the water, and will leave him to drown in the bog of your failure. Abandonment was a cruel mistress, and you could see her tendrils taking hold of the male in front of you- dragging him farther away from you.

You'd take his face in your hands, connect your lips and promise him that the words you spoke were true. Your bleeding hearts were connected, but it was a tie you would sever with heavy regret. You let the tendrils that were so tightly wrapped around him take him. The mistress of abandonment would swallow him whole, as you left him, there at the border.

You would return to the storm from which you came- and you would never forgive yourself. You wouldn't be able to stitch your chest back together. It would be left there, neglected and infected. You didn't have the strength to wield the needle and thread.

_Only he had that strength, and you doomed him to drown._

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr if you'd like! :D https://mickey-gayovich.tumblr.com/


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